Let’s See How Far I’ll Go

I am not sure if Disney’s Moana is a hit yet but I am certainly a fan of its message.

I do love that it touches on about how the islands are dying and how the Moana’s island give the villagers what they need. But I am certainly pulled by the song “How Far I’ll Go,” it somehow speaks about my personal struggle right now.

To me the song reminds me of a calling I was avoiding.

I was afraid and overwhelmed that I did not know what to do and how to go about it. Like the song said, I can pretend and just go along like everybody else but really, it is hard to resist the pull of a calling planted deep in your heart.

And then there goes her grandma giving her advice, that when she hears a voice inside her, that is who she is. Towards the end of the movie, she also asked her “Do you know who you are” and Moana in the song shouts her name aloud full of conviction after knowing exactly who she is – everything expected of her by her father and more.

So here I am again. I guess, this is part of who I am.

I started this site because one day while I was desperately praying, asking God what I can should do now, I heard him answer. I thought I knew what I was called for but it seems there is something else I need to do but I am extremely at loss. I knew at that moment I was told to write about Him.

Do not get me wrong, I am not bragging or anything and I am certainly not the best writer or the best person to write about Him. These thoughts were exactly the same reason I did not write right away. I even thought of starting a different blog but it did not work either. Because as I was reminded, this is not about me, what I know and how I write. It is about Him.

For several weeks I was idle and depressed because I felt so loss. I do not know what to do anymore. I was trying to haggle with Him, of doing something else for the meantime because I was not ready yet. But I have so many of those things I promised him for later that I do mot think I will have enough years to do all those things including this if I push this back. I felt so guilty at the same time because I feel like I’m disappointing Him.

Thankfully the God I know is not easy to anger and He is very patient to a worrywart like me. So instead, I kept on getting tips as if God is talking to me. Encouraging me, pushing me to just do it. It’s funny because when I first resigned from my full time, permanent job I also asked for a concrete sign. Something that would literally tell me what to do because, as I told Jesus in prayer, I am a bit slow with signs. And now I guess it is the same message He sends me in different ways but in the end it meant, just do it.

One motivational speaker said, to have faith is to jump a cliff and trust that you’ll grow wings before you touch the ground. So, now I am going to take the plunge and write everyday not for me but for Him.

I started several journals and blogs but I never had a “successful” one because I start and stop after less than 10 entries. Maybe I fail to continue my blog projects because I have the wrong attitude and motivation. Maybe now I have found the right one.

I am going to trust what I was told to do, let’s see how far this will go.




Image by Ihor Malytskyi from Unsplash.com

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