I cannot find an answer to my own question yesterday.
What am I willing to give up?
I have an answer but I did not like to give that up. Not yet. Not now.
Maybe I need to give it up because it is the only thing that I think about these days. I’m obsessing about it again.
Yet I keep on telling myself that I wanted it since forever, I can’t just throw in the towel.
When do you draw the line between wanting something and fighting for it vs wanting something and surrendering to the idea that maybe it isn’t for you?
Just when I was overwhelmingly confused again, guess what I saw in my inbox?
His post was totally for something else but I would like to think this is another sign like before. It may not be God’s final answer but it definitely made me stop and realize I’m thinking too much again.
I am forgetting to breathe.
I am forgetting to let go and stop worrying.
I am forgetting to trust in His plans.
I am forgetting that the desires I have in my heart are there because He placed it for a reason. There is a purpose. I may not understand it totally – it may be something else completely but I think if He is teaching me a lesson I have not passed with honors yet.
I need to learn to trust His timing, believe He has a plan and have complete faith in Him. He knows better than I do. Like they say, I need to let go so my hands can hold something even better.
But I am stubborn and (my husband said,) I am a control freak at times.
Like a child who does not want to let go of a balloon even if it is time for bed, insisting to sleep with it so it won’t fly away. Itcan either strangle the child or the child may cause the balloon to pop.
It is hard for a control freak but I am really trying my hardest. I now realize that when I am too irritable that means I did not like how things are going – not the one that is hapening at the present but just things in general.
I also sometimes get a slight tension headache which means I am trying to reverse the earth’s spin. Deflecting powers that be and being stubborn with the universe instead of just accepting things.
Maybe now that I realize this and with a more conscious effort I would be able to let go and learn to just chill.
Maybe by letting go of my controlling tendency I will become mantally and physically healthier and grow stronger in faith.
So, I guess one of the things I need to give up is not my dream but my urge to control things that I do not have power over. To let go and let God.
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