He smiled my way.
My heart fluttered.
It felt like it stopped for a moment.
I caught my breath.
All the time I can only see the hem of his clothes and the dust billowing around the curious feet of people following him – including me. I did not even dare look at the back of his head or over his shoulder.
I contemplated on whether or not I would continue following him at the end of this road we were on. I have a family waiting for me. What would they say about me? What would happen to my daughter?
But then I thought, he’s got my back. He will not abandon my family. So I continued walking behind him.
Most of the others with me were slowly turning back, their curiousity satisfied.
At the end of the road, He turned to me with that unexpected, heart melting smile.
It was worth it. He was happy to see me there.
I felt happy for a second.
Then confused and thoroughly guilty.
At the back of my head I asked him, “Lord, what have I done so far to deserve that smile.”
This was my experience after an online retreat master asked to follow a contemplative prayer from St. Ignatius. He guided the listeners to a scenario where you were following Jesus at a time when He was still on earth.
From that moment, I decided to follow Him and be one of His disciples. It is a hard journey, but there is no more turning back.